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Commentaries by Doug Kelley, CH, CSL

When Your Dream is a Million-Miles Away

"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was."

--Richard L. Evans

Many years ago, I was inflicted with a disease, but fortunately, I have begun to bring it under control. The disease is "wanting too much, too soon." It has brought me hardship and discouragement at times; but it is also responsible for helping me accomplish more than I would have otherwise. I have learned to bring this mindset more into perspective in recent years.

I have begun to realize the value of little steps taken toward my goal. Many times, I have felt like I was getting nowhere fast. But in reality, I needed the time to formulate and put together my thoughts and plans.

It can be quite frustrating to feel like you are getting nowhere in the attainment of your dream. Sometimes you feel you are so close, but then along comes a setback. It is important to look at the situation without all the emotion attached. As long as you are working toward your dream, you are making progress, albeit unseen. After some time passes, you should be able to see that this time was necessary to allow your thoughts to crystallize and filter to the top.

For example, when I had decided to pursue my dream of helping others overcome self-limiting mindsets by speaking and writing, I started to kick myself after a few months, because it seemed like I was not making the effort to make it happen. I really wanted to make things happen, but I just didn't seem to have the emotional energy, due to some difficult life circumstances. But I did work toward my goal in many ways that prepared me to take bigger steps when I was ready. Now, more than a year has passed and as I look back, I can see that the time I thought I was wasting was quite necessary to my overall success.

As you work toward your dream, don't let life discourage you too much. Even thinking about your dream is actually a step in the right direction, since all actions are a result of thought. Then after some time has passed and you are truly ready, substantial things will happen that will take you closer to realizing your dream. Someone once said, "Just remember that what you are going to be tomorrow you are becoming today." Use today wisely so that tomorrow you will have and be what you desire.

Also, James Allen said, "The greatest achievements were at first, and for a time, dreams. The oak sleeps in the acorn." Your grand oak tree may still be asleep, but it is still an oak tree! It will grow! And one day, it will stand long and strong!

Be encouraged! Work toward your dream always, and be patient! One day, it will be yours!

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams" (Eleanor Roosevelt).

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 Change Your World

If there are things you don't like in the world you grew up in, make your own life different.

-- R. David Thomas (Founder of Wendy's International, Inc.)

Most of us carry baggage from our childhood—some light, others heavy. Those who suffered much during childhood run the risk of continued suffering throughout adulthood, if the lessons of childhood suffering are not learned.

The beautiful thing about adulthood is that we now have full control over our lives. But more than that, we must take full control over our lives. This implies action on our part. What a tragedy it is when we as adults continue to cheat ourselves with self-limiting mindsets.

We as adults must take control, muster the courage and grow within. We must continually feed our minds on things of higher value, such as personal growth topics. Then we must always analyze how new perspectives come to bear on our lives. When we take personal responsibility for where we are at in life, we begin to change for the better; we start to learn the lessons of our adversity, and once learned, our lives improve.

Don't allow life to discourage you too much. You may not like the world you grew up in, but that's okay because it's now the past. Now it is time to look to the future by taking responsibility for where you are. When you take responsibility, you begin changing your life. When you change your life, you change your world. When you change your world, you are in control, and you alone decide how happy you will be. So go ahead; change your world.

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 Playing the Game of Life with Honor

For when the One Great Scorer comes

To write against your name,

He marks-not that you won or lost-

But how you played the game.

--Grantland Rice

What matters most in our life is not the mistakes we make, but how we live our life overall. People will always make mistakes, but what counts is that we not practice error. It is good and noble to live life in such a way that we do not cause others conflict. After all, what right do we have to cause others pain? Life is hard enough. We need to ask ourselves, "Do I make life easier or more difficult for others in general? Am I predominantly a taker, or a giver?" If all we ever do is "take from the woodpile," we eventually deplete it. We lose friends, mates, relationships, and then blame others for "abandoning" us.

Our character truly plays the biggest role in whether we find meaning or futility in our lives. What matters most in the end is the contribution we have made to the world by playing the game of life honorably.

(This Maxim&Moral is taken from "The Game Rules for Life" by Doug Kelley).

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Beyond the Mask

"Wise men read very sharply all of your private history in your look and gait and behavior."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever studied people's faces? I long ago noticed that a person's inner pain, life-struggles, and attitudes are reflected in their countenance. Try as we may to mask it, eventually, the truth is told. Adversity can manifest itself physically in a number of different ways: worry lines engraved on a forehead; puffy eyes and cheeks from alcoholism; a look of despair from a hole in the spirit; or angry eyes from past injustices and bitterness.

Another way inner adversity is manifested is in the gait, or walk, and by extension, the physical stature of a person. One fine young man I know walks-quite unknowingly-almost hunched over. He has faced far too much pain for his young years due to an alcoholic mother, and the resulting divorce of his parents. It's almost as if he is carrying the suffering of the world on his shoulders, and it breaks my heart, even more so because he is my son.

Behavior also reflects a person's inner struggles. Some people have endured terrible abuse as children, including sexual abuse. In some cases, they grow up, and not having dealt with the abuse in a healthy manner, take out their pain on others. One woman I used to know and work with did exactly this. She couldn't get along with anyone because of her own inner torment and unresolved control issues. She had not yet discovered that as an adult, she now had a choice-to seek help and mend her broken spirit.

While it is certainly not easy to cope with difficult people, look further; take pause and look deeper; look beyond their words, and really listen to what their humanness is saying. Then you might just discover that their behavior is a desperate cry for help. Do what you can to answer their cry. A kindly ear to their pain may just be the beginning of a rich, vibrant, and fulfilling life for them. As a result of your compassion, they just might feel inclined to look within themselves and come to terms with their pain; their grief; their anguish.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow put it succinctly when he wrote one of the greatest gems of wisdom I have ever read: "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."

As you meet people day to day, study their faces. And clue in to their inner turmoil. Let empathy and understanding build inside you for another's unique human condition. Then act with compassion. In doing this, you are performing a great service to humanity, and giving back to the world. You are Delivering Greatness in your own way.

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Will You Dare to Believe in Yourself?

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance."

-Bruce Barton, Congressman & Advertising Executive

Many good people suffer terribly at the hand of circumstance. Some face intense financial problems; some are deeply hurt from the repeated "bombs" of an abusive or alcoholic mate; some look death square in the eye because of a life-threatening illness or old age. At one time or another, everyone faces difficult circumstances, which can drain them of their power. If these circumstances go on too long, it can drain them dry.

What about you? Is your power draining from you due to some difficult circumstance? When you are at your lowest ebb, something (like the quote above) can ignite a spark, be it ever so small. But at least it's a spark, which can lead to a fire. And when you believe that all hope is lost, and you haven't the emotional strength to do anything, let alone carry on, ask yourself, "Dare I Believe?" Well... do you? Do you dare believe that something inside of you is superior to circumstance?

When your gut is in knots with agonizing pain, please don't let your circumstances beat you! Recognize that you, as a human being, are far greater than your circumstances! Dare to believe that within you resides Greatness just waiting to be released upon the world!

If, one-by-one, you learn the lessons of your pain, then step-by-step, you will gain mastery over your circumstances. Once you do, use those priceless life-lessons learned to help others in their plight.

Then you will truly do something splendid; something befitting Greatness. But only if you dare believe that something inside of you-yes, something beautiful-is superior to circumstance.

So, will you? Will you dare to believe in yourself?

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Preserving Your Dignity During Adversity

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt

Theodore Roosevelt bestowed great dignity on our human suffering when he wrote the above words. In the same line of thought, Nelson Aldrich, a contemporary of Roosevelt who was also a politician in addition to being a businessman wrote, "They fail, and they alone, who have not striven."

Interestingly, Aldrich clashed with Roosevelt on a number of political issues, but both men were in total agreement when it came to success and failure. Adversity cannot be avoided, and if viewed properly, can mold you into a person who has Greatness to Deliver.

Allow adversity to make you better in the end; allow it to teach you empathy for others around you. And as you face adversity in your life, contemplate Roosevelt's words, and let them bring you comfort. Stand tall and claim the dignity of a person who learns from and triumphs over adversity!

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Doug Kelley is a Certified Hypnotist, Life-Coach, Professional Speaker and author of The Game Rules for Life. He focuses on helping others overcome self-limiting mindsets in the areas of business, sales, and life. To schedule an in-house seminar on this material, or to consider Doug as a speaker for your next event, please contact him at 941-740-2900, or doug@dougkelley.com. For more information, please visit www.dougkelley.com.

For more empowering articles, visit www.EmpowerTheSpirit.com

Copyright © 2001 By Doug Kelley, CH, CSL. All Rights Reserved. Permission is granted to reprint this article provided notice is given to the author at doug@dougkelley.com.

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