Is Life An Exercise in Futility?

From The Game Rules for Life, 

by Doug Kelley

"At the foundation of every life is one central desire:

to make a difference that you lived."

—Ron Smothermon M.D., Author

LIVING in this world with all of its troubles, it is easy to buy into the futility of it all. When a baby is born, wonderful things are given it: fresh skin, youthful vigor, strength and all the hopes and dreams of the future. The baby grows to be an adult, and, hopefully, enjoys a vibrant and fulfilling life. 

It would be terrific if the story stopped here, but it doesn't. The baby—once the epitome of life—grows old and dies. It is a journey of 80 years or so. We can do nothing about it—it just happens. The cold, hard and morbid truth is that as soon as a baby is born, it begins the process of dying.

Dying is by far the greatest calamity which humankind must face. Death, and the processes that lead up to it—sickness and old age—are heinous afflictions. To see someone battling a serious illness or an elderly person trying to function within the limits placed on him or her by old age, is a heartbreaking sight to behold. It is equally sad when someone views death as a solution to illness or old age. 

These facts lead many to adopt an attitude of futility. For example, actor-comedian Woody Allen stated, "More than anytime in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and hopelessness; the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.” With statements like this, it is easy to understand why so many feel that life is futile. 

The Human Need to Avert Futility

Many people past and present, have made serious attempts at removing futility from their lives. Writers such as William James, Soren Kierkegaard and Friedrich Nietzsche all taught philosophy as a remedy to despair and futility. Others seek religion to find meaning in life and avert futility. Nevertheless, many still conclude that with death comes the ultimate futility. Remove death and remove futility. Is this correct thinking? 

A case in point is a message posted on the Internet by Mary who was concerned with this very issue. Speaking of the untimely death of John F. Kennedy Jr. in 1999, she wrote:

"… His death made me think about how useless life on earth is. It all ends the same way, regardless of whether you are a king or a beggar. It doesn't matter now who he was, what he did or what family he was from. None of that helped him. He's gone and that's that. I am a Christian, so I know that God has a purpose for my life. However, this stark reminder of human mortality and how easily it can all be over is a real bucket of cold water over my head. I suppose that I should take that understanding and live today as though it were my last day; enjoy my [children] and don't be uptight about not getting every little thing done…."

She also realized an important point: So often, we spend too much time being overly concerned with the little mundane things of life that don't really matter in the end. What is most important is this: Things don't matter, people matter.

How to Understand and View Futility

The word "futility" is defined as "serving no useful purpose; uselessness; frivolousness." Now, when we apply that to our lives, does it fit? Most likely not. We all have responsibilities in life that wouldn't get done if not for us, right? What about children or dependents? If we have children, then our lives need not be futile. How would they get along if not for our involvement? Hopefully, we can answer that we are thoroughly involved in the lives of our children.

What about other responsibilities and pursuits? Do we "add to the woodpile" by giving to others as part of our career or other activities? Many service clubs are available that provide a valuable service to their communities. Are we involved here? Can we get involved?

The chapter quote above by Dr. Ron Smothermon is extremely relevant here. If we make a difference that we lived, then by definition, we negate futility. Futility only exists when we do nothing meaningful with our lives; when we have no purpose; when we only take from others. By discovering and implementing our own unique purpose, we overtake futility; we dissipate any power it has over us like the smoke from a campfire. It no longer has a hold on our mental and emotional faculties.

Futility Is Futile

When we consider the following evidence, we begin to see that the only thing that is futile is futility itself. Contemplate these three arguments against an attitude of futility:

1) What Matters Most in Our Life Is Not the Mistakes We Make, But How We Live Our Life Overall. People will always make mistakes, but what counts is that we not practice error. It is good and noble to live life in such a way that we do not cause others conflict. After all, what right do we have to cause others pain? Life is hard enough. We need to ask ourselves, “Do I make life easier or more difficult for others in general? Am I predominantly a taker, or a giver?” If all we ever do is “take from the woodpile,” we eventually deplete it. We lose friends, mates, relationships, and then blame others for “abandoning” us. This aberrant behavior is quite common with substance abusers.

Author Alfred Armand Montapert, in his book, The Supreme Philosophy of Man, writes about a motto that he has over his desk. It says: 

"When the one Great Scorer comes to write against your name, 
He writes—not that you won or lost—but how you played the game."

Abraham Lincoln was truly a man of strong character and true greatness. He once made a statement that has come to be my motto in life: "Die when I may, I want it said of me, by those who know me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower when I thought a flower would grow." 

2) Believe It or Not, We Can Make a Difference to Somebody. I used to be of the opinion, right or wrong, that one person could not really make any difference. I read many self-improvement books and articles telling me just the opposite. But I still held the opinion. Then one day, I believed.

I was about to do some work on my computer, when I discovered that my 12 year-old son, Michael, had not closed out a couple of school homework assignments he had been working on. As usual, I began to save and close each file when I came across a report that he had written for his Language Arts class. It was about his "Hero." This is what he wrote:

“My dad is a hero for many reasons. He has done many things in his life. He has been to different countries … Here are some reasons why he is a hero." 

He then went on to describe some of the intense difficulties he and I had faced while trying to help his mother (my previous wife) overcome alcohol addiction. He then continued: 

"I admire him for acting so calm in this situation. He is definitely a hero for going through all this and still being able to help people. I am surprised he is still sane. I admire him a great deal. I believe he is one of the true heroes on earth.”

When I read my son’s paper on his “hero,” tears welled up in my eyes. Of all the "Heroes" out there, he chose me! In an instant, I knew that my life was worthwhile, if only to be there for him. Oh, I used to “know” that he needed me, but what is so amazing is that I now knew it down to my very soul. Now I could look at life just a little bit differently, with a little more bounce in my step; a little lighter song in my heart; and a much brighter sparkle in my eyes. Because after all, I am Michael’s “Hero.” Lo, I am saved from futility. 

While it may be rare that a single person can change history by their actions, it is not uncommon for people to make a difference in the life of somebody, or in fact, many. 


3) It Does Matter That We Have Lived! Mary, who made the above internet posting, also wrote that it matters not as to who we are, because we all die. Is this true? No! It does matter who we are and how we lived! Does it matter that our parents lived? How about our grandparents? How about our ancestors? I think that we would all agree that it does matter that they lived, otherwise, we would not be here! What about all of the great men and women who have lived? Many made great contributions to the world by their having lived. Where would we be if Einstein, Edison, or Lincoln had not lived? Isn't the world a better place because Florence Nightingale, a dedicated nurse and pioneer of sanitation and hygiene, lived? Yes! 

However, Mary does make a good point. Why not live each day like it is our last? We never know if we will "die early," (and remember this: anytime we die—it's early! )  

My dad used an illustration when I was young about our lives being an open book. When we start the day out, the page is blank. By the end of the day, the page is full of what we did that day. The beautiful thing about it is that we make the choice of what is written in that book. It can be good or bad; right or wrong; beneficial or not. It is up to us. 

So if we have the power to choose what is written in the book of our lives, then why not make it a best seller? Why not give deep consideration as to how we will spend our days or how we will transcend futility by adding to the "woodpile of life?" 

Is Death the Ultimate Futility? 

So is death the ultimate futility? In light of the foregoing, No!  "But isn't death the end," you say? Who knows? Not one single person now alive can prove what happens to us after we die. Neither you nor I have seen it first hand. No one has gone there and come back with proof positive. Some believe that we go to heaven or hell; some believe that we cease to exist; some believe that we are reincarnated. Any way we believe, it is always subject to our belief system. We always have to take someone else's word for it—whether from the Bible or someone relating a Near Death Experience. There is simply no evidence one way or another, that we go into a state of non-existence or go to heaven, or somewhere else for that matter. Some may find this hard to accept, especially those religiously inclined, but it is undeniable. 

As strange as it may sound, there may be an upside benefit to illness, old age, and dying. If we were to have first hand knowledge that we were going to a better place when we die, what impetus would there be for making the most of our lives now? If we knew we were going to a place where there was no pain or dying, many might easily conclude: "Let's just get it over with right now so we can go on to a better place." In effect, futility would run rampant. In the end, the pain and suffering we endure here and now, just might be a blessing in disguise. The fact that we are clueless about our ultimate end drives us on to inner refinement, building character, and delivering greatness to the world. 

Since no one can say for sure what happens to us at death, we can choose to be positive or negative about it. We can reason that the Grand Scheme of things must have been created by someone, such as God, so maybe the love God showed initially in creating us will come through for us at death—that it will not be the end. Whether we come in line for a resurrection back on earth at some future time, or move on to another plane of existence we cannot say with certainty. But we can always hope, for this is all we really have. By having hope, we can see and enjoy the good things that life has to offer now. We can make our lives more productive and peaceful. 

So it becomes quite simple, then. If we make a contribution to humanity in any of numerous ways, small or large; if we leave a lasting legacy as to our goodness and kindness; if we leave our positive mark upon the world—then our lives have meaning and futility has no hold on us!  

Doug Kelley is a Professional Speaker and author of The Game Rules for Life. He focuses on helping others overcome self-limiting mindsets in the areas of business, sales, and life. To schedule an in-house seminar on this material, or to consider Doug as a speaker for your next event, please contact him at 941-740-2900 or doug@dougkelley.com. For more information, please visit www.dougkelley.com.

For more empowering articles, visit www.EmpowerTheSpirit.com.  

Copyright © 2001 By Doug Kelley, CSL. All Rights Reserved. Permission is granted to reprint this article provided it is done so in its entirety (including this copyright box) and notice is given to the author at doug@dougkelley.com.